One time, I had a very interesting conversation with sister in the fellowship I used to attend. It was a casual conversation, but I learned a great lesson about prayer from it. Here is how it happened.
We used to have midweek prayers on Tuesdays and Thursdays. These prayers were held in the evenings, between 5:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m. After the prayers, we would often go for dinner together. It was during one of those dinners that this conversation happened.
The burning question
The trigger was a deceptively simple question that we had debated a lot in the fellowship: Can God tell you who to marry?
As you would expect, there are many opinions on both sides. Because I was blessed with wisdom, most of those questions were directed at me. That evening, that was the question the sister asked me.
Normally, I would answer such questions using Scripture, but that evening I decided to use a different approach. When the sister asked if God can tell someone who to marry, I asked her if she had ever had God tell her anything. Not wanting to be interrogated much, she said no.
Immediately, I sensed something about her, but I did not want to make it obvious. Instead, I asked her if she would want God to tell her who to marry. “Who would not want to know whom God wants them to marry?” she said.
With that, I got a better idea of what she wanted.
I asked her whether she had ever asked God to tell her who to marry. She responded almost immediately that she had not really done so and added that she was not yet ready for marriage. I then asked what made her think she was not ready for marriage.
“Well, the Lord has not brought me someone,” she answered, although she seemed very unsure.
I asked her whether readiness for marriage comes the arrival of a husband or from personal preparation.
“Well, you know you cannot get married if there is no husband,” she responded.
At that point, I felt I was pushing her too hard with my questions, but because I wanted to understand something, I asked if she had ever been in a relationship before.
“Yes, several times,” she responded.
“What made you come out of those relationships?” I asked.
She stared at me and chuckled, but did not answer. Noticing something fishy, I asked her if she had ever prayed to God concerning those relationships. Seemingly bored with my never-ending questions, she retured to her original question.
“Augustine, just give me a simple answer, can God tell someone who to marry?”
Immediately, I recalled the scene in Matthew 21:23–27, where the Pharisees questioned Jesus’ authority. With that Scripture, I clearly understood that the Holy Spirit wanted me to copy the response of Jesus. But because I was getting slightly annoyed with the sister, I remained silent.
However, the silence was only on the outside. In my mind, the Holy Spirit was giving me a great revelation about why some people get answers to their prayers and others do not. That is the revelation I will be sharing with you.
After I went quiet in my conversation with the sister, the Holy Spirit told me that this is exactly how God feels when people do what the sister did. He then went on to remind me of another Scripture, Genesis 29:20.
‘So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.’
Here is the explanation the Holy Spirit gave me.
Sincerity of heart
God is always pleased when we go to Him with our prayers, regardless of our request. God is usually understanding and will never cast us away. When I began my conversation with the sister, I felt good that she trusted me with her question. Likewise, God feels good whenever we trust Him with our questions and prayer requests.
Shortly after I began speaking with the sister, she clearly avoided giving me the details I wanted. The Holy Spirit explained to me that it disappoints God when we are not honest with our prayer requests, in the same way the sister’s dodgy nature disappointed me.
He said some people fear telling God their truest desires, fearing that their desires contradict God’s will. However, God cares more about our honest desires than how right or wrong they are.
When the Holy Spirit gave me the Scripture in Genesis 29:20, it was the case of a man who did what was right.
You see, Jacob clearly loved Rachel more than Leah. While some might consider Jacob’s love for Rachel questionable as the bible describes her as very physically attractive, at least Jacob was sincere. This is the level of honesty that the Lord requires from us.
The Holy Spirit explained to me that because of the extreme love Jacob had for Rachel, the seven years of work felt like only a few days to him.
The Holy Spirit made me understand that every desire we have generates a hunger. If the desire is strong enough, it generates enough hunger to make us pray relentlessly until we receive an answer.
But for people who are dishonest with their desires, their hunger is low, and with it comes less desire to pray.
When Jacob was cheated in his deal to get Rachel, he was angry, but he agreed to work for seven more years. The Holy Spirit further explained to me that sometimes God allows disappointment to come our way when we are trusting Him, to test how honest we are with our desires.
People who are honest with their desires never have a problem continuing to pursue them after disappointment. But people who are dishonest with their desires often quit after disappointment.
The last thing the Holy Spirit taught me is that believers often assume that their desires are honest, but God is the ultimate judge.
God bless you.